Reflecting on Reflection

I didn’t think I was an autobiographical cartoonist until another autobio cartoonist told me I was one.

But that’s probably because most of the early “autobio” comics I saw were diary comics - folks retelling their day, whether it was a literal hourly recall or depicting something noteworthy or mundane.

I don’t know if anyone out there in comics journaling or reviewing has yet to create subgenres of autobio or further distinctions of what a diary comic is or is not. But, autobio storytelling in comics can and should take all kinds of forms no matter how you define it. I’ve always referred to my form of autobio as “reflection” comics versus diary because I don’t typically draw what happened to me on a given day even though I always date my drawings. This is because there may be something about that day that made me arrive at that reflection, or it was something I woke up thinking about.

I’ve been compiling and printing these reflection comics in a digest series titled “Mild Pain,” after my artist name, since the comics are about me. I didn’t intend for this series to happen, but I noticed I would turn to this form of drawing (as opposed to fictional storytelling, which is my comics origin) whenever I was feeling anxious, stressed, or trying to unpack something that was troubling me.

The act of reflection is a consideration of emotions, feelings, or reactions, to try and unveil a deeper understanding of why things are the way they are. As an introspective person with an anxiety disorder, part of this process is already an easy thing for me. I ruminate like hell. And for awhile, depicting my emotions in comic form was restorative and healing in the moment of creation.

But when I look back at these comics, sometimes I wonder if this reflection process is feeding me back into the negative loops. Am I taking too much comfort in the thoughts I ruminate on so much that I then draw them? Am I really discovering anything or letting go at the end of the drawing?

I think I am, otherwise, I wouldn’t feel this critical divide between present day me and the me that drew something on May 1st, 2024. That drawing is an especially good example of what I hope to achieve in my reflection because I always want to move forward. Whether that’s moving onto the next project, the next job, the next chapter of my life. I’ve always just wanted to get there.

My meditation process outside of drawing is lacking. It needs more attention and active thought transforming. For many years, and often in the years where I skipped out on seeking therapy, I drank up past experiences that were not good for my brain to revisit like one knocks back shots of hard liquor. Why? Because as a fictionalcartoonist, I rely on the human experience to inform by characters and stories. This often resulted in me digging up my past, a place I’ve been to so many times and now I’m done with it. It’s time to move on. And so, I created an autobio world for myself where I could truly analyze my thoughts and revisit my fictional world with a more objective eye.

Autobiographical comics have to center the creator, and often times this does involve a visit to the past. Many of my peers in my various cohorts who tell their personal history in comics will sometimes be sharing their work and then the group is suddenly an emotional support circle. This form of storytelling is emotional and it puts the creator in a vulnerable space. Because I am concious of how I reflect, I have told many peers that there are some stories I can’t depict, there are some memories I won’t draw. I’ve tried many times to no success. What always happens is that I get sucked into the memory and ruminate over what I could have or should have done differently, but that’s the mind trap and we try to avoid that, y’all.

If you’ve never tried making a diary comic or drawing your feelings, I recommend giving it a try. Lynda Barry’s book, Making Comics, always comes to mind. When I teach classes, I always start with her material for memory recall and combining the written word with drawing.

If you want to read more of my comics, the Mild Pain series can be found on my website. The new digest issue will drop this summer.